5 Things I wish I Knew Before My Breakup

By: Jacqueline Joy

  1.  Life as I know it will never be the same again, and the sooner I accept it, the easier it is to heal.

The life you had before, the life you thought would be forever, the union, we, is no longer. The life you made plans with, the life you envisioned with this person, is over. The goals and dreams no longer have the potential to come true. Like a blow-up in your face, you are forced into a brand-new life kind of over.

The person you were before is no more. Your habits and routines will change. That version of you ended when the relationship ended. The friends you had together probably will choose sides, and it may not be your side.

BUT, the person you come out to be on the other side is someone you never believed you could be. It is a horrible journey, full of pain, transformation, transition, healing, and grieving the life, relationship, and person you once knew, but you will come out of this person strong and confident. You get to create a life you never knew could exist for you. 

“In my relationship, always filtered pictures, never smiled, hair extensions, lashes, always felt I needed to look perfect,” said Joy.
  1. It was not my fault. My failure does not make me less of a person. 

There is nothing you need to change about who you are other than the thought that you need to change who you are. If you were blindsided or cheated on, you automatically think it was your fault. This is not true. We believe things like…well, I should have tried harder, I should have dressed sexier, I should have lost a little weight. People who hurt others are hurt people who haven’t healed from something in their life. It is not on you why they did what they did. 

This is a healing opportunity for you and you alone.

And the first thing you need to realize is that you are worthy of all the love no matter who you are, how old you are or how much you weigh. You NEVER need to change a thing. The person meant for you will love all of you. And as you heal from this heartbreak, you will get to a place where you believe that with all your being. 

  1.  A relationship does not define my happiness; I do. It adds to it or it can ruin my life, so I need to choose wisely.

You are capable of living a fulfilled life all on your own. I was not happy in my relationship; I was not being respected or desired or valued the way I should have and not loved as much as I put out my love. I accepted his love in the form of trips and gifts and that feeling of being taken care of because I lacked it growing up from my parents. I stayed in the relationship out of fear and comfort. I was letting fear run my life: fear of being alone, fear that I couldn’t have a beautiful life without another person, fear of taking care of myself financially. Can I have a family? Can I go to nice places? Can I do anything on my own? 

The answer I only realized after my life was ripped out from underneath me. When I was faced with “what now?” I was 37 at the time of our breakup and I’ve always wanted to be a mother. I realized at that moment that it was time to take life into my own hands, and maybe a fulfilled, happy life didn’t include a man, for now! I am about to be 40 this year and going through the process of having a baby on my own. 

  1.  I won’t be sad forever, even though it can feel like it.

You will laugh again! I know It feels like your laughing and smile muscles are broken when your heart is broken, but they are there, and you will laugh again. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand what you are going through. Not everyone will know what you feel unless they have felt an ounce of heartbreak. Most will tell you to suck it up and get over it. You need to surround yourself with those who hold space for you and let you fall apart. 

That is your tribe. Think Carrie in The Sex in the City movie, when Big leaves her at the altar. She was so heartbroken but went on the honeymoon with her soul tribe. They let her fall apart, they let her sleep, and let her stay in the darkroom. They held space and just reminded her they were there. Then when she least expected it, Charlotte comes racing to the bathroom and doesn’t make it and has an accident in her pants! Carrie laughs uncontrollably. And all her friends join in! You will laugh again when something is hilarious, and you have the proper support by your side!

  1. Walking away from an unhealthy relationship will make me happier and could even save my life.

When I went through my heartbreak, I honestly thought I would never feel happiness again. I thought the relationship I had was as good as it gets. I had taken such pride in my relationship. I finally had someone to make memories with and have as a plus one, and when you are in your late 30s, you kind of settle for the first thing that checks even half the boxes. 

But I was being disrespected, and I turned a blind eye. I knew he didn’t want babies, and even though it was my biggest dream, I convinced myself I was ok not fulfilling it. When he left me for someone younger, it broke me in half. This was someone I was best friends with, lived with, took vacations with, and spent many intimate moments together. He knew more about me than my own family knew. And I knew him more than he knew himself. He was, at the time, the most important person in my life. For him to blindside me was soul-crushing. 

How would I ever feel happiness again? When he left, I tried to date again, but all I did was compare. Something clicked very soon after: how would I ever be happy with anyone again if I was miserable within myself? No one was coming on a white horse to save me, even though that is what I hoped. So, I went on a journey to find my happiness and be the best version of myself to attract the best person. But what I found instead was myself, authentically and beautifully!

When I discovered who I was and what I desired wholeheartedly, I realized that I had been letting others determine my life, choices, and happiness. 

When I uncovered why I chose men like that and friends like that, it broke open a part of me I never knew existed. It has brought me here to this very moment, helping other women find their gold. You are all golden. Your gold has just been masked with clay by circumstance and society but let me tell you, when you chip away at that clay, you uncover a version of yourself you never knew existed. 

Trust the process. I know you are hurting now, but I promise you will get to the other side. You have been assigned this battle to show others it can be conquered! 

My name is Jacqueline Joy. When I went through my own heartbreak, it was one of the darkest times in my life. I thought my life was over and I would never feel happiness again. The weeks and months after were the most challenging times of my life. I wished I had someone there telling me every day I would be ok and reminding me my happiness would come again because I honestly didn’t believe it. I vowed one day to help other women going through their own heartbreak, never to feel alone. 

So I created the Breakup Survival Kit, a 45-day journey where I will guide you through the healing process to get your heart feeling better. I will be by your side every step of the way.

Each day you’ll have a journal prompt to answer and a video message from me cheering you on and reminding you how capable you are of getting through this like a goddess!

After, when I found my voice, my confidence and power!

The different weeks cover:

  • Grieving the pain
  • No contact
  • The right support
  • Releasing anger
  • Forgiving
  • Living your best life

** Bonus Love yourself the way you want to be loved

To find more information, you can click here: https://jacquelinejoy.vipmembervault.com/

I also have a private Facebook group of only women, or anyone who identifies as a woman, to come to get love and support. You can join that here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/jacquelinejoy

I look forward to meeting you and supporting you.

Jacqueline xoxo